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Summary: Barney Ross leads the “Expendables”, a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas, martial arts expert Yin Yang, heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar, demolitionist Toll Road and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen. When the group is commissioned by the mysterious Mr. Church to assassinate the merciless dictator of a small South American island, Barney and Lee head to the remote locale to scout out their opposition. Once there, they meet with local rebel Sandra and discover the true nature of the conflict engulfing the city. When they escape the island and Sandra stays behind, Ross must choose to either walk away and save his own life – or attempt a suicidal rescue mission that might just save his soul.

Review: When The Expendables isn’t busy boring you with sadness, it’s absolutely cringe-worthy at its attempts to be fun.  The film constantly throws around banter and one-liners that reach a new apex in falling flat.  It’s baffling to watch Stallone and Statham pretend like their characters have any chemistry.  The movie wants you to see old pals who have been to hell and back and have the jokes to prove it.  Instead, all you see are two actors reciting awful dialogue to each other.

It also doesn’t help if you can define every character in five words or less.  Stallone: Sad Guy; Statham: Sad Guy with Knives; Jet Li: Wants More Money Guy; Randy Couture: Recommends Therapy Guy (I would also accept “No Acting Ability Guy”); Terry Crews: Giant Gun Guy.  This is your team of bad-asses.

The characters may not have much in the way of personality, but they admittedly do know how to tear it up.  There are some really fun kills in The Expendables, but when you’re wiping out what appears to be half the population of a small country, the kills start becoming redundant.  The most common cause of death in Vilena is either getting shot with 23 bullets in two seconds, getting sliced up, or getting your neck snapped.  The kills aren’t clever but they’re bloody and you’ll be satisfied with some of the fight moves and life-enders, but then that moment will pass and you’ll go back to sleep.

The Expendables wants to be Rambo and Pals, and that intent is an insult to Rambo.  There’s nothing in The Expendables that comes close to the crazy, bloody mess of fun that Stallone created a couple years ago with Rambo. It’s laudable to make a confident movie, but Stallone has nothing to be proud of other than a few action beats and getting Rourke involved.  The film is a sorrowful mess of maudlin pathos, lethargic writing, and non-existent characters.  And the vaunted cameo scene with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis took me out of the film faster than Planet Hollywood went out of business.  The only remarkable thing about The Expendables is how it fell so short of its less-than-lofty aspiration to be a dumb-fun action movie and instead ended up as a cure for insomnia.

Rating: D

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Movie Summary: NYPD Detectives Christopher Danson and P.K. Highsmith (Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson) are the baddest and most beloved cops in New York City. They don’t get tattoos – other men get tattoos of them. Two desks over and one back, sit Detectives Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell) and Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg). You’ve seen them in the background of photos of Danson and Highsmith, out of focus and eyes closed. They’re not heroes – they’re “the Other Guys.” But every cop has his or her day and soon Gamble and Hoitz stumble into a seemingly innocuous case no other detective wants to touch that could turn into New York City’s biggest crime. It’s the opportunity of their lives, but do these guys have the right stuff? Written by Sony Pictures

Review:

The Other Guys is a funny movie that’s either repeat viewings or a hard-R cut away from being a classic.  But judged on a single viewing, I was impressed at how McKay not only managed to bring his comic style into another comic genre, but even managed to kick in a little satire for good measure (the movie features the most education closing credits of the year).  Despite a fragile comic chemistry between Ferrell and Wahlberg and some lost energy in the third act, The Other Guys is a solid hybrid comedy that only Adam McKay and Will Ferrell could deliver.

Rating: B

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Summary: In the age-old battle between cats and dogs, one crazed feline has taken things a paw too far. Kitty Galore, formerly an agent for cat spy organization MEOWS, has gone rogue and hatched a diabolical plan to not only bring her canine enemies to heel, but take down her former kitty comrades and make the world her scratching post. Faced with this unprecedented threat, cats and dogs will be forced

Review:

I don’t know where to begin with the criticism. Shall I cite the writing, which was full of every cop movie cliché one could readily think of? Or perhaps I should start with the effects, because the animatronic dogs and cats were certainly chilling to behold. Also, the mixture of live action with puppets and CGI simply wasn’t well blended, and I fail to see how this film was enhanced by the use of 3-D.  Though the writing in this movie was sub-par, I must commend much of the voice-over work. Bette Midler was perfect for the role of Kitty Galore, as her voice expertly exuded the maniacal characteristics of a feline villain. Nick Nolte was a superb choice for crime fighting canine Butch. James Marsden and Christina Applegate were adequate in their roles as former K-9 dog Diggs and the feline agent Catherine, and Katt Williams was exceptionally annoying as pigeon informant Seamus, though he did create the occasional moment of hilarity.

Rating: D-

Summary: Tim (Rudd) is a rising executive who “succeeds” in finding the perfect guest, IRS employee Barry (Carell), for his boss’s monthly event, a so-called “dinner for idiots,” which offers certain advantages to the exec who shows up with the biggest buffoon.

Review:

Dinner for Schmucks manages to be funny but only in spite of itself.  The right actors are in play, but they’re always being underserved by the script, the direction, or both.   There are intermittent moments where everything comes together and delivers big laughs.  It’s a solid premise with talented lead actors and some clever jokes.  But it’s also depressing to watch as you see a director read a joke without knowing how to tell it.

Rating: C-