The Expendables
Posted in Uncategorized on August 19th, 2010 by mick – 1 CommentSummary: Barney Ross leads the “Expendables”, a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas, martial arts expert Yin Yang, heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar, demolitionist Toll Road and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen. When the group is commissioned by the mysterious Mr. Church to assassinate the merciless dictator of a small South American island, Barney and Lee head to the remote locale to scout out their opposition. Once there, they meet with local rebel Sandra and discover the true nature of the conflict engulfing the city. When they escape the island and Sandra stays behind, Ross must choose to either walk away and save his own life – or attempt a suicidal rescue mission that might just save his soul.
Review: When The Expendables isn’t busy boring you with sadness, it’s absolutely cringe-worthy at its attempts to be fun. The film constantly throws around banter and one-liners that reach a new apex in falling flat. It’s baffling to watch Stallone and Statham pretend like their characters have any chemistry. The movie wants you to see old pals who have been to hell and back and have the jokes to prove it. Instead, all you see are two actors reciting awful dialogue to each other.
It also doesn’t help if you can define every character in five words or less. Stallone: Sad Guy; Statham: Sad Guy with Knives; Jet Li: Wants More Money Guy; Randy Couture: Recommends Therapy Guy (I would also accept “No Acting Ability Guy”); Terry Crews: Giant Gun Guy. This is your team of bad-asses.
The characters may not have much in the way of personality, but they admittedly do know how to tear it up. There are some really fun kills in The Expendables, but when you’re wiping out what appears to be half the population of a small country, the kills start becoming redundant. The most common cause of death in Vilena is either getting shot with 23 bullets in two seconds, getting sliced up, or getting your neck snapped. The kills aren’t clever but they’re bloody and you’ll be satisfied with some of the fight moves and life-enders, but then that moment will pass and you’ll go back to sleep.
The Expendables wants to be Rambo and Pals, and that intent is an insult to Rambo. There’s nothing in The Expendables that comes close to the crazy, bloody mess of fun that Stallone created a couple years ago with Rambo. It’s laudable to make a confident movie, but Stallone has nothing to be proud of other than a few action beats and getting Rourke involved. The film is a sorrowful mess of maudlin pathos, lethargic writing, and non-existent characters. And the vaunted cameo scene with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis took me out of the film faster than Planet Hollywood went out of business. The only remarkable thing about The Expendables is how it fell so short of its less-than-lofty aspiration to be a dumb-fun action movie and instead ended up as a cure for insomnia.
Rating: D









